a letter to say thank you to 2023

ailsya avriel
6 min readDec 31, 2023

Before this meaningful year starts to end, I wanna write something to dedicate this year as my journey of growth. This year had gave me many things that unexpectedly happened to me. Lots of new experience and lessons that I received. I learn to become a person that more bravely and intense. This year had built countless of pleasant surprises. Thus, it shaped me who I am on this day.

Start from early of this year, there are lots of happy days and also bad days. I learned to embrace myself more towards every each of things that came thru my life. Because I know that bad days won’t last forever. Whether it bad or good, I shoul keep on moving forward. When I take a look on to those times, I never been this relieve that I’ve gone through it all. That I finally survived, at least until this day.

Move into middle of this year, I was grieving over failures (again). This is the big storm of mine around this year cus I was on my limit. I had enough to try. That’s why it feels like this is my last game and to letting go over something that you probably won’t be deserve isn’t that ease. But, God saved me. Say it that 2023 really gave us unpredictable surprises. New realizations of life that I’d never expect. Something that changed my darkest sky into a great sky. Happiness came thru, but they didn’t exist to last forever.

2023 been really unpredictable for all of us. So after the darkest storm of my life, then I received my first internship and that was my biggest surprise of this year. I thank God for that, because that one of the realization that open up my mind that maybe this year I had enough to try and it’s not about how much we want our dreams become true, or even how hard we strive for it, but also how much we need it. God knows the best timing for it when it has to be needed for us.

Step ahead into the end of the year, never realised that I would failed again towards one of something that I want to achieve. Something that I put less of any expectation but still I failed again. That thing make back to questioned my worthiness. Am I born to be this unlucky? Or is it just not my type of year? The thing that makes me very sad is even when I put less of the expectation towards something that I tried to achieve, its still end up the whole same thing. Why do I have to lose again on this time? Even for something that I never put any expectations over it. So, it made me stop and reflect towards what I’ve been through.

Becoming of who I am today wasn’t as ease as other people might seen. There are moments where I found how fragile I am towards the grieve that I tried to heal all this time, keep passing through the times where I had to get up my own self and pretend everything will be okay in the end cause it won’t last forever. This year had encounter me to the countless things that changed me as a person.

Not only once or twice, but many times I can’t settle up myself to be on my own road again after those hard moments that I thru. I struggling to keep sane, every each day. Searching for any sanity around me that I can keep, romanticizing every lil thing that should be romanticize, and embracing some of the lessons along this year.

Those happy and bad days that I cherished. Grateful moments that I want to keep forever. The up and downs that seems remarkable in my mind. Excitement that fleeting around. All of the tears, screams, and anger that caming through along the month. 2023 was my year of grieving, learning, and growing. This year has been my personal teacher.

This year, I can’t count how many times I kept contemplating my own achievements. I realised that I failed too many times that it made me questioning myself whether I deserve to inspire people? I tried to look back on what I had to improve as a person. Do I deserve to achieve my biggest dream?

Never in my life I’d chose to interminate one of my journey; achieving my big dream. The biggest decision that I made this year, to let go something that used to be main purpose of my life. Accepting that sometimes theres a dream that we had to let go once in our life. Because thats for the best, not for the better. You realize maybe this year isn’t the right time for that or you realize you’ll never deserve for that thing.

To let go one of the dream is the best thing for ourselves. Because once in a time you realize that the more you try to reach it, the more it’ll hurts you deeper. So you choose to just let it go.

About my friendship, I love spending time with my close friends. I like the way how we still keep in touch even when we didn’t meet for few months. The way we still chatting on to sharing our life updates. Learning to accept that the more we get older, the less friends that we have and its better if they understand who you are and they truly accept who you are. Its fine that we have few friends but the matter thing is they are people who made you grow and see you growing. People come and go and thats part of the phase of adulting.

For the loved ones, I still improving to be a better partner for my bf. Sometimes we had a fight, dull phase, hard days, yet we both always keep trying to mantain our relationship to be on-track. We keep improving our relationship to better and better every each day, and so we improving ourselves to be better from every problems that we solved. I believe that every single problems has a meaning, either they want to test how far we can manage or solved it, or how both of us can truly learned something from its problem and improve to be better. Some people said that when it comes to relationship and they try to gave you problems but both of you keep trying how to nailed it together, the more your relationship bond would getting stronger.

This year, so many moments happened yet I can’t remember every each of them. Some of them are blurred in my memories, but some are forever remains. Some of beautiful things or moments that I captured and want to keep em last forever. Wrote everything that I want to remind forever. Went to so many good places. Despite all the rollercoaster road of this year, I’m glad that I was still enjoying those special moments.

Thank you for build me who I am this day by those happenings that came into my life this year. Never been this grateful to live the life as a person because this whole year had taught me many good things. I learned that it’s okay if we choose to pause and reflect, then improve ourselves. Let’s welcoming 2024 for new shortcomings that full of surprises. Let’s be better not for others, but for yourselves.

I hope next year you’ll take care more about yourself. Take any rest when you need it. Take a deep breath whenever something exhaust you. Appreciate every small things that surrounds you. Live the true life that you love. Remember that when it comes to the bad days, its only a bad day, not a bad life. Everything shall pass. Believe that you’ll pass it through in the end. Believe that you can make it through another December.

Happy new year! Cheers to more happenings in the future. ♡

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ailsya avriel

sometimes i write for people, sometimes i write for myself. reach me on ig @ailsyaavriel ^^