a letter to the tough— also the thoughtful ever; she’s the eldest daughter of her family.
They said “dad is a first love of every daughter” and most daughters in a family perhaps agreed with that, especially the eldest daughter. It’s always that easily angry and love-hate relationship when it comes to be an eldest daughter in a family. Our ego was bigger than anything that it built us to be a child who never wants to showing off any of their struggles in front of our parents. Hence, eldest daughter were born to be the toughest child, the thoughtful, and the strongest child. Sometimes we were too scared just to show our real flaws in front of our parents.
Every eldest daughters might seems too ignorant and less affectionate toward their parents — especially their father, not because they didn’t love their father at all, but sometimes you realized that how much and big your love toward your father yet you’re hard to express it properly — that it makes you tend to be the angry and ignorant daughter. Deep down, it’s always them trynna express their love to their own parents so dearly— especially their father. They did wanted it so bad to show how big their love is, but never knew how to do it.
That’s why it makes all sense why every father and eldest daughter bond tends to awkward and less affectionate. Somehow, not all of fathers brave enough to show their love to their children. The figure of being a father that born to be the strong man and also portraying the toughest person being in their one house, because they might think that to express ‘love’ to their children have so many ways and ‘being affectionate’ wasn’t always be the option they choose to show their love to their children. By that, every father most of the time act awkwardly when it comes to show affection and care to their kids. Instead, every father’s would do anything or even everything for their children. Because that’s the only thing he could do or even offer just to shown off that it’s part of their love and affection towards their kids.
Every eldest daughter might ever feel like they wanted so bad to hug their dad, but the relationship of father-daughter that less affectionate made it turns to be the hardest thing to do as a daughter. Knowing that not all of eldest daughters are close to their father, but doesn’t mean that they don’t love or care enough to their father. Thus, it is the complexity between the relationship that less affectionate that makes it too difficult to openly show or express love each other. but, perhaps in the deepest heart as a kid, we do really adore and love our dad more than anything.
Sometimes we’re busy to focus on our life that it makes us forgot and acted as if we had our parents forever.
The fact that I realized how my dad isn’t young anymore, it grew a lot of gray hair now, his face that slowly getting older and wrinkled, his palm of hands that slowly turns to withered, his legs that fragile and frail. Also my mom, whom I thought she’d never grew a gray hair, now she has a lot of it. She’s also the toughest mom and wife whom I ever met. Now, I can see it on her face that there’s a thin wrinkles. But, her warm hands still feels the same.
I never realized that I’d get to experienced this in my life. That I’ve always wished that my parents will stays young and always young. Cause after all, what the most terrifying thing is we are too scared to live without our parents, no matter what happens.
Being an eldest daughter sometimes we really love our parents so much, but what often happens was we’d end up tend to easily angry that it feels like the emotion turmoil suddenly appeared. The raw emotion that most of eldest daughter experienced was that they seems didn’t allowed to show their purest hearts or real emotions in front of their family just because they were built to be the strongest daughter in their house and be the pillar of their family. It seems like they didn’t allow to show those weaknesses even in front of their siblings.
It’s our parents first time living the life too. What do we expect?
That line lingered enough in my mind. That we didn’t realize that this life isn’t our first only, but also our parents. They’ve been the one who’ve had struggled enough until this time, only for no one but us as their children. They’re the one who had experienced many kinds of sweet, sour, and bitter things in this life. They’ve been sacrificing a lot of things in their life too. Just for us. So, I realized that when parents didn’t perfect or failed over something about parenthood; remember that it’s their first life too as a parent.
When we were too tired because the whole day things and not own much of energy, your voice might suddenly risen up than usual. When they asked you a lot of questions, then you’ll end up get annoyed. Again, it’s always that you never meant to do it intentionally — that sometimes it seems like you’re the one who have been throwing an irritated feeling to them. When actually in our deepest down of heart, we love them so much that even so we were too scared to live this life without them. We had no idea how to face real life things without them.
We can see the portrayed of eldest daughter in Geumyeong (the eldest daughter of Aesun and Gwansik in K-Drama; When Life Gives You Tangerines), especially those who raised by asian parents most of the time. Geumyeong received so much love and care from her parents especially her dad (Gwansik). Which is it makes sense that she doesn’t need to lower her standard because her father is the standard of a man that she’s looking for. Also when she can choose herself and stand for herself beyond everything, it’s because she already received the right amount of love from their parents. That’s why she never lack of love and affection from her parents. She can give her own love to herself as much as what her parents did. Because she is growing up with a lovely family which is love her so much no matter what happens.
Here’s an open letter to all of eldest daughter out there who ever experienced the whole same things; thank you for your hard work, for your biggest generosity of your family, for your biggest sacrifices that you’ve had done in your life, for keep going toward things around you, for encourages yourself that you’re not alone at this, and you’re the ones who’s really know better how you’ll make it out no matter what happens.
Also, cheers to every daughters whom read this too. I’ve got your back. Thanks to you. Not because you were not an eldest daughter, doesn’t mean you were never or didn’t carry the same thing. Perhaps, every daughter in a family might felt distant around their family especially ‘their parents’, and no one ever said that a daughter didn’t put so much love and care to their parents. They always do. Again, it’s just hard to shown or express it too much in front of them. Every daughter in a family doesn’t need anything, they’re just need the purest attention, love and care only from their own parents.
It’s depressing to see our parents is getting old while we are stil struggling to be stable in life. The guilt feel is strong when we still can’t afford the things our parents want or when we are unable to spend time with them since we are so busy with this things called ‘life’.
