ailsya avriel
2 min readMar 29, 2024

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for a moment, i stood by my own emptiness.

Le Redoutable (2017)

these past few weeks had been exhausting. it took so long after a while for me to keep my sanity and continue to write. because sometimes i found myself just enjoying my lonetime without doing anything, without any thoughts left yet just stare at something with an empty mind. i left my mind behind it all just for letting myself drowning by the ocean of gaps.

my heart said, “don’t you ever stop writing until you cut your own fingers”. me trying to see things as beautiful as it supposedly meant to be, but all i’ve got in this mind was nothing. a heart full of questions ‘did i just lack my own capability to write or did i just lose the sparks to write?’ i stood by the emptiness that hanging around.

i can’t even describe the life that i live for these past days. i don’t have any poems to write down. i don’t have any thoughts spinning around my mind and gave me the urge to translate them into words. i could felt that this mind seemed ratherly wanted to write something, but i don’t know. it felt like i’ve been busy with this noisy real-life things that it made me forgot to enjoy the life that i used to ‘loving’ not the life that i supposed to ‘living’.

knowing and facing the realest life is a truly diff thing. when you saw people seemed merely living on and moving on without remembering that life is also about grief, cause they existed behind everything all. the most thing that we often forgot was the grief that still casually hanging there and left-behind inside you. no matter how old the times already took, no matter how cracked it is. you carried them without even know. and grief.. really had no place to go neither nor to be replaced by anything in this whole world. people would never care to mentioned about it at all and how it was to suffer a live that doesn’t seem living.

for every fleeting dreams that hang on forever and never meant to be pursue..

i never chose to buried em inside me, yet i live with em. i let em be part of me that will never be mine..

every people faced their grief in different shades..

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ailsya avriel

sometimes i write for people, sometimes i write for myself. reach me on ig @ailsyaavriel ^^